What to do about those Russian bombers

The RAF scrambled four Tornados early today to intercept eight Russian bombers as they probed the edges of British airspace during a long-range patrol.

This is the latest in a series of similar incidents, which hark back to the Cold War era, and are apparently designed to restore Vladimir Putin’s male pride after he became an overnight gay icon, while simultaneously being ridiculed for his man-boobs, when he was photographed topless while on a fishing trip.

You have to admire those Tornado pilots for their restraint. If it was me up there I wouldn’t be able to resist the temptation to shoot one of the blighters down, just for a bit of fun. I know I’d get into trouble, but I’m sure the diplomats would find a way of stopping the incident from turning into World War Three.

Mind you, I wouldn’t want a Tornado: I’d want a Hurricane, for a more tactile shoot-down experience – you can keep your air-to-air missiles, give me thumbs on the trigger button every time. But why not a Spitfire, you might ask? Well, I appreciate that the Spit is the connoisseur’s fighter plane, but the Hurricane was more sturdy, and more heavily armed – perfect for taking lumps out of big enemy bombers.

Having nothing personal against the bomber’s crew, I’d like to think that they’d all bale out safely. I’d swoop down over the North Sea and throw out a rubber dinghy for them before performing a victory roll, then it would be back to base for a debrief and a well-deserved cup of tea.